Saturday, October 3, 2009

The great game of Kissy Face Attack

Hi everyone!
My human brother, Holden is my best buddy. During the week, he leaves me for about 8 hours and gets on that big evil cheesewagon that takes him to a place called SCHOOL. I always know when it's 3:30 and I wait for him by the door so I can play "Kissy Face Attack" with him! It is SUCH a fun game, so I'm going to teach you how to play with YOUR hoomans too!

Here's how you play....

1. Let your unsuspecting person (a.k.a. "victim") greet and kiss you (YOU being The Pug)...
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2. While they're vulnerable and feeling all happy about being reunited with you...grab their hair with your teeth (no biting!)
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3. Now that you have stunned them...get right ON the victim's HEAD and hold it down. They'll probably be laughing or making squealy noise or yelling "NO NO NO!" but just ignore it...it's all part of the game!
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4. Be sure to keep your full Puggy weight on their head as you circle around looking for a piece of face on which to launch your Kissy Face Attack!
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5. Ears are a good target to start with, but you REALLY want to find a nice piece of face. Start with ears if you must...it tends to make the victim squirm, which might make them flip over allowing a larger PugTongue to face ratio (PT:F)
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6. Try the top of the head too...a lot of times the victim will look up at you and ask something like "Are you crazy?" or "What the @#$% is wrong with you?". When they peek up, it's a good time to take a lick of forehead...
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7. Sometimes, your victim will be especially stubborn and require an expert level of coersion to be the recipient of a proper Kissy Face Attack...fool them into thinking that you're finished and take a brief rest (be sure to snort and act overexerted, that way you can catch them off guard with your next move!)
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8. As they TRY to push you away use all of your cuteness to bulldoze THEM down to the floor. Just use the top of your head and push. It's pretty easy.
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9. Once you get them on the floor, you must distract them so they won't suspect the impending Kissy Face Attack. I highly recommend grabbing a sock and pulling (see fig. 1 and fig. 2 below)

Fig. 1 Locating the victim's sock
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Fig. 2 Pulling the victim's sock to distract their face part
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10. NOW....POUNCE! Your victim will be laughing hysterically at this point and now is your chance to launch the FULL ON KISSY FACE ATTACK! Go for the mouth...you get bonus points for hitting the mouth target!
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11. Keep kissing until you become completely exhausted and your victim yells something about "peeing themselves" (because they're laughing so hard).
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12. Stand over your victim and declare yourself the winner of this match of Kissy Face Attack! Congratulations!!!!
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Salinger 1
Holden 0


Happy Saturday! Good luck with your own games of Kissy Face Attack!!!!

18 comments:

Benny and Lily said...

Salinger thanks for all the rules to Kissy Attack. I have a feeling Holden loves every minute of it
Benny & Lily

dw said...

Thanks for a great post, Salinger! Reading it was a great way to start the day!! Oh, and, um, erm, do you think Holden gave in a little bit to let you win? Nah, yeah, what was I thinking! :p

Pug(s) and Bugg said...

Well I do say... well played, good chap!

Neas Nuttiness said...

LOL!

Sequoia & Petunia said...

Thanks for the lessons!!! I will try this on my hoomans soon.

Sequoia

Hank said...

Way tuh go, Sal, buddy! You show that boy who's boss!

GREAT post I tell ya what!

Dallas Clark and Reggie Wayne said...

Good job, Salinger! We are very impressed with your moves. We noticed that Holden had a knee brace injury on. Was this a result of your kissy face game, or yesterday's football game?

We hope the Eagles "soared" to a victory! BOL

Salinger The Pug said...

Hey Reggie and Dallas,

Wow...good eyes! Holden jacked up his knee a few weeks ago but is all fine now. These pics are a few weeks old, but I finally did something with them!

Sadly there was no great victory for the Eagles yesterday....so we're counting on YOU guys to make it happen for the Colts today! W00T!

Love,
Laura (S-Dog's mom)

Murphy Dogg said...

Great strategy, Sal! You are obviously a master of this game. When I play, I also count extra points if you can get your tongue up your victim's nose.
C-ya,
Murphy Dogg

Scout 'n Freyja said...

If there was a KISSY FACE OLYMPICS we think that you would win the gold medal!

Sandra y Coco said...

Thank you Salinger. Now I know who taught my mother how to do a KISSY FACE ATTACK to me. She's learned all your methods, for sure. Now, can you please teach me how to get away from her???
Coco

Puglette said...

excellent instructions salinger! ollie is very good at KFA too. if dad just says hi ollie to him...the game is on! ollie goes straight for the neck or ears. it's especially effective if charlie is on the back of the chair licking dad's head at the same time. this is a nightly routine as soon as dad gets home from work.
hugs,
puglette
:o)

Pearl said...

I bow down to your skills, Salinger! Mom says I am not much of a kisser, but am a very accomplished strategic sneezer. Maybe I should post about that soon....

Lilo, The Great Rock Eater said...

I have a similar attack the momma calls piranha pug =) I crawl up in her lap maknig her believe I'm there for cuddles and when she least expects it, I launh striaght at her face for a full on kissy attack!! I get her almost every time. =) I'm thinking I may ahve to try your approach now!

Lilo

Lex said...

hahaha that is awesome! Gus likes to body slam me too if I am still standing :)

Rosie said...

Supurb Play S-Dog - That french kiss with Holden was def. worth some bonus points! BOL

catwrangler said...

That is so cute. Magda has to learn to perfect this task!

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