My human brother, Holden is my best buddy. During the week, he leaves me for about 8 hours and gets on that big evil cheesewagon that takes him to a place called SCHOOL. I always know when it's 3:30 and I wait for him by the door so I can play "Kissy Face Attack" with him! It is SUCH a fun game, so I'm going to teach you how to play with YOUR hoomans too!
Here's how you play....
1. Let your unsuspecting person (a.k.a. "victim") greet and kiss you (YOU being The Pug)...
2. While they're vulnerable and feeling all happy about being reunited with you...grab their hair with your teeth (no biting!)
3. Now that you have stunned them...get right ON the victim's HEAD and hold it down. They'll probably be laughing or making squealy noise or yelling "NO NO NO!" but just ignore it...it's all part of the game!
4. Be sure to keep your full Puggy weight on their head as you circle around looking for a piece of face on which to launch your Kissy Face Attack!
5. Ears are a good target to start with, but you REALLY want to find a nice piece of face. Start with ears if you must...it tends to make the victim squirm, which might make them flip over allowing a larger PugTongue to face ratio (PT:F)
6. Try the top of the head too...a lot of times the victim will look up at you and ask something like "Are you crazy?" or "What the @#$% is wrong with you?". When they peek up, it's a good time to take a lick of forehead...
7. Sometimes, your victim will be especially stubborn and require an expert level of coersion to be the recipient of a proper Kissy Face Attack...fool them into thinking that you're finished and take a brief rest (be sure to snort and act overexerted, that way you can catch them off guard with your next move!)
8. As they TRY to push you away use all of your cuteness to bulldoze THEM down to the floor. Just use the top of your head and push. It's pretty easy.
9. Once you get them on the floor, you must distract them so they won't suspect the impending Kissy Face Attack. I highly recommend grabbing a sock and pulling (see fig. 1 and fig. 2 below)
Fig. 1 Locating the victim's sock
Fig. 2 Pulling the victim's sock to distract their face part
10. NOW....POUNCE! Your victim will be laughing hysterically at this point and now is your chance to launch the FULL ON KISSY FACE ATTACK! Go for the mouth...you get bonus points for hitting the mouth target!
11. Keep kissing until you become completely exhausted and your victim yells something about "peeing themselves" (because they're laughing so hard).
12. Stand over your victim and declare yourself the winner of this match of Kissy Face Attack! Congratulations!!!!
Happy Saturday! Good luck with your own games of Kissy Face Attack!!!!
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